So – good friend Tom works for a place called HalloweenCostumes.com and sent along this video, advertising a werewolf mask with an animated jaw. Man, I wish they’d had junk like this back when I was a kid. Best I could do was wrap my face in an ace bandage and pretend… man, I don’t even know what I was pretending.
Anyway – check it out:
Man – I didn’t get much watched this month at all. Crazy busy this month and I also watched two seasons of Party Down and one of True Blood. So… still – I didn’t see much that was really really great, sadly. Here we go.
 ALICE IN WONDERLAND (2010) – We’re going to have to travel some distance for this movie not to be the worst I saw this month. It’s a shame, too, considering the obvious work that went into costumes, FX, sound design, etc. This movie looks great. And if you only saw a couple of scenes, especially toward the end, you might think “Whoa! I didn’t realize this was such an epic movie!” But it’s not, until the scenes toward the end. And as adventuresome as the movie seems most of the time, a lot of the situations Alice finds herself in are easily remedied by, say, a floating magical cat. Lots of deus ex machines here, it feels like, which doesn’t leave much to like. Which makes it worse than…
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 THE BAD LIEUTENANT: PORT OF CALL – NEW ORLEANS (2009) – Seriously, what kind of batshit half-assed crazy idea was it to remake Abel Ferrara’s ‘Bad Lieutenant’? It’s not such a bold move that people would say “Wow – only Herzog, am I right?” It feels like more of a lazy studio move, except for the fact that no studio would bank on the audience’s familiarity with the original movie. What gives? Well, beyond that – beyond the fact that neither movie has much in common with the other except that, in both, the main character is a cop with… and wait – ‘Bad Lieutenant’? It was kinda of funny when Ferrara used that title. Like calling Road to Perdition “Good Hitman”. But to use it again? Anyway – there are some truly sublime moments up in this movie. “His soul is still dancing” will remain in my heart for a very long time. But there is also some awful junk. And sadly, this is the best thing I saw all month.
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DIARY :: Saturday, June 12, 2010 :: A Fine, Fine Start http://is.gd/dVfvy (via @dustinharbin) – Awwwww.
We start shooting a new short film this very weekend at a local D.C. hotel. Expect twitpics.
Although the weakest part of True Blood continues to be the two leads. Great stuff going on around them, but I dread their scenes together.
Man – True Blood’s season 2 was amazing up until that last hour, which felt like a set up for season 3. Still – season 2? Pretty strong.
Gracious! The 2nd season of True Blood is about to set my TV on fire. Such an improvement on season 1.
Person: “The earth just quaked. What was that?!?” 911 Operator: “Um… an earthquake?” #’10MDquake
K and I were like “Whoa. I think that was an earthquake!” Then went back to sleep. Others called 911, apparently. #’10MDquake
Dudes – we had an 3.6 magnitude earthquake in MD last night. That junk was crazy. #andkindascary
RT @TheOnion: BREAKING: FCC Chairman Overturns Decision To Cancel ‘Party Down’ http://onion.com/a1UUwm (via @johnaugust)
Okay, Media Composer does have some good features that FCP doesn’t. Also, AVID got me a working copy of MC. #editingdetente
Oh cool – that BP oil spill? It also coulda just maybe triggered doomsday -http://tinyurl.com/33n88ql (via @travisbeacham)
In fact, for offline editing, it’s hard to think of anything FCP doesn’t do 100x better than Avid. #inflammatoryeditingcallout
Dear Avid – peeps hate on Final Cut, but I install MC and its nothing but bugs. Your new name: Aphid. Heh heh. #intelligentputdowns
‘Airbender’ made $70m already? Sorry, critics. You did have some great put downs though! Quick, let’s pile on Predators!
Wondering how M. Night keeps making movies after ‘The Happening’? Only one movie since ‘Sixth Sense’ didn’t make back 3x its budget.
Alright, here’s the crop for June. I feel lazy so there are probably SPOILERS in here. So look out, now.
 PARANORMAL ACTIVITY (2009) – God bless this little movie that went big, but I can’t figure out why so many people willingly sat through it. Granted, there are 3 or 4 genuinely scary moments, but any time the actors aren’t reacting to a ghost this thing is nearly unwatchable, serving up poor performances and a ton of horror movie cliches – one character in particular consistently shrugs off compelling evidence of danger, racing off into the dark and doing things that have been clearly forbidden. Not much has been learned since Blair Witch, apparently, and if that’s how it’s gonna be, let’s not do these fake documentary horror movies anymore, ‘kay? Which makes it worse than…
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 CROPSEY (2010) – This documentary got talked up like it was some seriously good stuff, and scary, too. It puts itself out there like it’s about an urban legend that turns out to be somewhat true, about weirdos in the woods snatching and killing children on Staten Island. But the longer it goes on, the less mysterious anything gets to the point where the filmmakers apparently solve a thirty year old mystery, and then drop it, insisting that we may never know who was responsible for the murders. Also – the makers are distractingly pretty – imagine if Brad Pitt made ‘Roger & Me’. Which makes it worse than…
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 THE HAUNTED MANSION (2003) – After a trip to Disney World a month ago, I’d become obsessed with the history of the rides – who planned them, built them, the changes made to them, etc. It’s pretty fascinating stuff. And the history of The Haunted Mansion includes a bit about this Eddie Murphy movie, based on the ride. So I rented and watched. It’s based on the DisneyLAND version, which is slightly different. But more importantly, the movie isn’t scary in the least – it is a kid’s movie, really – but it’s also not funny at all, which is super depressing when you’re watching one of the funniest guys in history. Which makes it worse than…
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 SHERLOCK HOLMES (2009) – Downey and Law do themselves proud in this one, but other than that, there’s not a whole lot to recommend. Occasionally it’s fun to watch Holmes deduce stuff… but only occasionally? That’s the whole reason we came to watch, isn’t it? The villain is meh and his goal is so vague – basically TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD and then… I don’t know, make T-shirts that say “I Took Over The World”? Also, what seems like a super villain for Holmes at the beginning turns out to be dude who’s just clever. This is a big letdown because I was hoping to see how Holmes would combat black magic with logic. But… oh well. Which makes it worse than…
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 SHUTTER ISLAND (2010) – I’m all over the map with this one. Love the jump cuts, the small scenes, even the overbearing score. Didn’t love the unanswered questions, the way the script sorta treads water in the middle, and the anagrams. And I like DiCaprio, but he still seems like a kid in grown-ups clothes to me. I can’t shake that. And I love how almost everything in the movie is almost comically SUPER INTENSE LIKE THIS throughout and even over-explained at the end, like something from the 50s, but then those moments don’t always jibe with everything else that’s going on. So, sadly, this one only gets about halfway to greatness and stalls out. Which makes it worse than…
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 PHENOMENA (1985) – This was a hard one to get my head around – because, really, for so much of it you’re amazed at how bad it is. It’s hard to imagine flatter acting or more awkward dialogue. And then there’s the rest of the movie, which barely hangs together – it’s a story about the daughter of a movie star who goes to stay at a girl’s school in the midst of a serial killer scare and, oh yeah, the daughter communicates with bugs telepathically, though that only comes in handy a couple of times and really it isn’t quite as handy as the fact that she has a friend who is a monkey. I’m gonna leave it at that because I think the only way to really explain the movie is to describe every scene. AND YET – I’d still watch it again. ALSO – the music is brilliantly out of place. BUT – it’s still not good. Which makes it worse than…
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 LOOKING FOR MR. GOODBAR (1977) – Man oh boy – I didn’t know what to expect from this one. I only knew it was supposed to be good, so I checked it out. But where it took me? Jeezo. Diane Keaton plays a schoolteacher who is bored with her life and starts dabbling in casual sex, drugs, and the general late 70s nightlife. Not knowing at the time that this was based on a real life case, I figured this was somebody’s screed against women with loose morals. But now knowing it was based on the murder of a real life schoolteacher… I’m still pretty sure it’s somebody’s screed, anyway. A good bit of the film is pretty fascinating, though, what with the anthropological aspects of a movie so deeply rooted in the 70s. But the performances range from solid to hystrionic and the movie has to abandon its track to set up the ending, which is just kind of confusing. Which makes it worse than…
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 GENTLEMEN BRONCOS (2009) – This was, in fact, much better than the critics or box office would have you believe. There can be no excuse for it making only $100k except that the studio dumped it, because everyone working on the movie was firing on, at minimum three quarters of their cylinders. Jemaine Clement is funny every second he’s on screen. The story of an unknown robbed of the fruits of his labors is one most people can get behind. And those re-enactments of ‘Yeast Lords’ are pretty strong. But – some moments are too artificial too connect and boy oh man is there a lot of vomit here, much more than was expected. Which makes it worse than…
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 THIS IS ENGLAND (2006) – By far the best thing I saw all month, England is a pretty amazing little beast – it starts out like a light dramedy coming-of-age story and gradually becomes something much scarier. The main performance by Thomas Turgoose is pretty incredible, considering he’s only 11. Though that could be said for the whole cast. Everything is pitch perfect and just right and very funny, scary, and heartbreaking by the end. Puts you through the wringer, whatever the wringer is. Best thing I saw all month.
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