01.02.2010
category: movies.
In thinking about listing every single movie I watch all year, the resulting final post seemed impossibly long. So instead, I’m going to list all the movies I watch each month in order from worst to best, then at the end of the year take the top three of each month and figure out what was the best for the whole year. Sound good? Yes. This process should be both lengthy and irritating.
No big shining examples of good stuff so far this year. Stuff with an asterisk (*) is stuff I watched for the DVD Lounge. So take those choices with a grain of salt. I’m not the highest on the totem pole over there just yet.
Here we go:
 ALONE IN THE DARK II (2009)* – Bloody awful. You start with the original, which is already very bad, then make a sequel, which is worse. The only thing to recommend is maybe some of the photography, which keeps this from being a movie made in a backyard by 5th graders. Nothing in it makes a lick of sense, especially that Lance Henricksen is slumming it in these parts, which makes it worse than… |
 HANNAH TAKES THE STAIRS (2006) – I’m not a big fan of the mumblecore, but good buddy Todd Rohal is in this one and I just had to see it. Pretty much everything that comes out of his mouth is gold. The ladies he’s training in the office are great foils. The actors in the main story are also good, but the story didn’t hold the interest of me and the wife for very long. Which makes it worse than… |
 GHOST MACHINE (2009)* – A really strong direct-to-dvd movie, but that doesn’t really say much, does it? Sean Farris is the poor man’s Tom Cruise and the ghost somehow knows how to manipulate computer software. As cool as a lot of it is, the acting and dialogue are poor, the story is mushy, and there’s plenty of logic thrown out the window. Which makes it worse than… |
 BOLT (2008) – Which was a pretty standard animated movie. Not a bad bit of business with the girl and her dog and that hamster has some good one liners. But this one barely kept my interest. Which makes it worse than… |
 RIGHTEOUS TIES (2006)* – A Korean gangster movie with some odd light touches that don’t necessarily match up to the content. Is this parody? Satire? Not sure. It’s a big crazy mess of a movie, which can be fun at times, but other times it just loses you. Which makes it worse than… |
 HOW TO STEAL A MILLION (1966) – I was counting on this being much more a heist film and much less an excuse for O’Toole and Hepburn to make googly eyes at each other. Alas, I was wrong. Pretty light stuff, though it takes way too long to get where it’s going. Which makes it worse than… |
 THE PERFECT GETAWAY (2009) – This movie exists solely for its twist and that twist turns out to be pretty damn good and worth the watch. The actors are no slouches, either, which helps. K and I even figured out what was up about halfway through, well before the reveal, and with the way this is built, it didn’t really matter. But there’s not much rewatchability here, which makes it worse than… |
 THE TOOLBOX MURDERS (1978)* – Which was an old school exploitation movie and has all the bad acting, bad dialogue and bad effects you would expect. But of course that’s it’s charm. You can feel the sleaze just dripping off of it. When the insanity really hits the fan, though, this Texas Chainsaw knock-off takes it up a notch. Definitely not a fine film, but there’s plenty here to like. Which makes it worse than… |
 WHIP IT (2009) – Drew Barrymore’s girl power movie is pretty great. You take all the girly empowerment type scenes of something much worse, then inject with girls beating the crap out of each other, and it all evens out to something pretty fun. But there’s no question where it’s headed, which makes it worse than… |
 THE DARK KNIGHT (2008) – Watching this time – a lot of clunky dialogue, showy IMAX shots, and plodding action scenes. It’s a movie breaking under the weight of a big idea. Ledger and Caine are the only ones who seem to be having any fun with it. There are still a handful of scenes that make it well worth the re-watch though – the big chase under the city, the interrogation room, Joker making the pencil disappear. Which makes it worse than… |
 CLASH OF THE TITANS (1981) – Yeah, that’s right – I’d never seen the original Clash of the Titans. It’s hella bad, but also good in its badness. The acting is poor, the visuals are awful, the effects are stilted and unrealistic. And I kinda loved it. Still, though, you can’t forget that the acting is poor, the visuals are awful and the effects are stilted and unrealistic. Which makes it worse than… |
 PIRANHA (1978) – Joe Dante, John Sayles, 1978, and Roger Corman’s man-eating fish. There’s no way this could wrong and it sure didn’t. ISo many have done so much less with so much more. Really – a low-budget movie with an underwater ending? Kevin McCarthy? Dick Miller? Gratuitous nudity? Man, how do I sign up for Roger Corman’s team? This was the best thing I saw this month. |
tags: 2010, Alone in the Dark II, Bolt, Clash of the Titans, Dark Knight, Hannah takes The Stairs, How To Steal A Million, Isle of the Dead, movies., Piranha, Righteous Ties, The Toolbox Murders, Whip It
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More importantly, when did you see Paranormal Activity? Have you seen it? Should I see it? Please advise.
I have not yet seen Paranormal Activity, no. There’s a part of me that is avoiding it, as I’m sure I won’t get taken in by it. But I’ll probably be seeing it in February…